Nothing but Song

Feeling :  hopeful  Listening :  Arctic Monkeys: Fluorescent Adolescent  Reading :  Something new, dunno yet

Ack, drama drama drama.

I’m still just a tiny bit unsettled from everything from the past week, but I’ve been making my peace with it slowly. Still have financial drama on the back burner, not mine this time, but it directly affects me.

Someday I know things will be good for me, or - in the very least - manageable. It’s the struggle that wears me down. It’s this uphill battle that I’m constantly fighting within and around and out of myself. I dunno if that makes sense. Lethargy takes over sometimes, or apathy, and the battle keeps raging on. I really dislike people who don’t have an ounce of drama in their lives. Things come easy to them. They know exactly what they’re doing with their lives, and it’s just easy.

I know that as a Catholic, I’m supposed to trust that everything that has happened and will happen in my life is just a part of His plan for me. I’m still waiting for that bolt of lightning to hit me though. The one that will light a fire for a passion that will sustain me for as long as possible. I would really like to know what I am meant to do with this life.

As such, when I get antsy from drama, I tend to want to buy things to distract myself. Sometimes I buy things for me, sometimes I buy things for other people. I guess it’s a bit weird to be admitting this. Not so much to you, but to me. As I’ve always said, writing is therapy for me. So when I go back and read entries even a day or two later, I go, “Did I really write that? Wow.”

I haven’t had a retail therapy session in awhile though. I’ve been shopping to survive, not surviving to shop lately. I deserve to splurge, even if I complain about how poor I am. Whatever I do, it’s because I can. People are so quick to judge other people, but it’s like, “why make my business your business? Move along now, please, nothing to see here.”

I bought something for my new niece the other day. I can’t say what (since they might read this), but I hope it arrives in time for my sister-in-law’s baby shower. I also bought a cloisonne money clip on eBay. I also got the Indiana Jones series on DVD. They’re on sale for $10 apiece at Target until Saturday. Then at Wal-Mart, I snagged “A Knights’ Tale,” “Dracula” (with Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder), and “Fools Rush In” for $5 apiece a couple of weeks ago.

I’m going to go to the library tomorrow alone. My youngest niece is in trouble for getting bad grades again. She knows that our weekly trips to the library is a privilege, not a right.

Growing up, getting good grades and helping out Mom and Dad were our responsibilities. If we didn’t bring home good grades, we didn’t get treats, such as a new toy, or things like that. Mine was a camera. I’ve been interested in photography ever since I was young. So you know what I did? I worked my ass off to keep my grades up, and what do you know? For Christmas, I got a camera!

So we’ve passed that ethic on to my nieces as well. All I want for my girls is to get good grades. If you don’t get good grades, you don’t get a treat. Period.

I told her that I was taking all of her books back to the library, whether she was finished with them or not. I’m very upset with her in that sense. I sometimes wonder how hard she really tries in school, because her grades don’t reflect her supposed “effort” at all.

*le sigh* I hate being mean though. But I hope this teaches her to work harder.

?: “What did you get for good grades growing up?”

Feeling :  aggravated  Listening :  That\\\'s What Counts - We Are Scientists  Reading :  Hello Mallory!

I was really happy this week.

Was being the operative verb.

My paycheck was a little fatter this pay period, because I got an extra day of work, and holiday pay on top of that, because of the Fourth of July. My bank’s pretty good about putting a little note on my account, letting me know when a deposit is on its way in and for how much and when it will be available. So when I saw it (and the amount), I was like, “yay!”

Well, when I went to check to see if the direct deposit had gone through this morning, I was missing a certain amount of money. I balanced my checkbook, just to make sure, and there was absolutely no other charges that could’ve caused that money to go missing. I’m not even sure if it is missing. Maybe there was a charge or a debit that I missed.

Slogging through work today was a real trial because that money was earmarked for something important. I was going to use it to pay off my debt to NSC so I could register for classes since I’m on financial hold.

I called my bank’s automated line, and none of the transactions that have cleared explain the missing money either. The automated line pretty much told me what I already knew. So I’m gonna wait until the end of the business day today and check it again online. ETA, Friday night: They took out 2 car payments. That’s where my money went. Why would they do that? Why? Why? WHY??!?!?!!? And why did this have to happen on a Friday when banks are not open on the weekends?? This isn’t fair. It really isn’t!! ANGER. FRUSTRATION. WOE.

ETA, Saturday morning: I slept off my anger, and had some crazy violent dreams in the process. My next car payment isn’t due until September and that changes things significantly.

School starts at the end of August. I have one more year left of school. I am so READY to be done. I have no other money saved up to make this debt go away.

As such, I walked into work in a bad mood. I kind of avoided everybody. But tonight, when we were dropping off our bank drawers, one of my co-workers let slip that he liked me, even if other people didn’t.

I was crushed, to say the least.

I don’t cause trouble at work. None. I don’t gossip. I do as I’m told. I keep my nose clean, my head down, and I mind my own business. But I’m also notoriously quiet. Nobody likes quiet people, apparently. I’m not sure why. Other quiet people have their reasons for being quiet. I’m quiet because that’s how I was raised. Plus I also don’t like to talk, because I stutter. I’m not very good at expressing myself unless I’m at a computer, unfortunately.

It’s hard for me to trust people. I have been burned in the past. People I would have trusted with my life and the ones I trusted with my secrets would go around and talk shit about me behind my back. And no matter how much older I get, this doesn’t change in the people I meet. This includes people I’m related to.

So instead of letting myself get hurt, I just keep quiet and drown out the white noise with music, usually piped in by my iPhone.

Music is the only thing in the world that will put up with my bullshit. No matter how many times I play a song, the melody is always the same. No matter what mood I’m in, it’s always there to let me know that everything will be alright. No matter where I am in my life, I can listen to a song from ten years ago and be automatically transported back to when I first heard it. What else in the world can do that for you?

I know I shouldn’t, but I take it personally when people talk about me. It’s like, “what did I ever do to you?”

?: “What do you honestly think of quiet people?”

Feeling :  cranky  Listening :  Cookie Jar - Gym Class Heroes  Reading :  Claudia and the New Girl

So, even though July 11 was the iPocalypse (and coincidentally, my dad’s 65th birthday), I went ahead and upgraded my first gen iPhone to the 2.0 firmware. It was pretty easy. No muss, no fuss. I’m not keen on upgrading to the 3G just yet. The only difference that I can see is the speed, the phone/data plan prices, and the fact that it’s got GPS on it.

I’m of the school where you run your shit into the ground and when it cannot be repaired, you replace it. I’m going to have this phone until that happens. I will also be doing that with my car, and prolly my computer too. Plus I’ve never been an early adopter of anything. I always wait and salivate over things for months before the madness gets hold of me, and I have to have it. I was like that with my iPods too.

I’m incredibly tickled by the Apps they have for it. Apps completely expand what the iPhone is capable of. Right now, I have AIM, AirMe, BlipSolitaire, BoxOffice, CheckPlease, Facebook, Light, Morocco, MySpace Mobile, PhoneSaber, and RubyRepeat installed. Those are only the free apps. I would prolly go around and buy up the whole store, but alas, I am practicing restraint.

I do have two and a half more terms of school left, ya know.

I will admit, some of the apps (not going to say which) are a bit buggy and slow-loading *coughmyspacecough*, but I look forward to the time when the kinks are all worked out. It’ll be a smooth ride, someday soon I hope. I truly believe that Steve and the crew are working behind the scenes to make it so. The iPhone is definitely on its way to being a one-stop shop for those of us who need to be connected.

Haters to the left! I’m talking to you, Ate M.

Also, I decided to combine Cydonia with my Flickr. The Cydonia subdomain now redirects to my Flickr photostream. I deleted “my greatest hits” on Flickr, and uploaded the pics from Cydonia into it. In addition, AirMe is an app that allows you to post photos via Flickr directly from your iPhone. So I expect to be doing that more often as well.

I’m also going through this bizarro suspense/horror/sci-fi creative phase. This is probably because I’ve spent the last two weeks reading all the episode summaries of the classic Twilight Zone series, haha. As such, I wrote my own little short story spin on the “Static” episode. I think it needs to be tightened up a little, then I’ll get a beta reader. Plus the last few ideas I’ve been struck with have this sci-fi slant to ‘em all. It’s amazing what a creative mind will spew out sometimes.

Speaking of “Twilight,” I finished “Eclipse” the other day. It was okay, I guess. I’m sorry, but I still have trouble believing that people like these books. I tried to be open-minded, I really did, but reading the series as a whole was like reading a teenage girl’s fanfiction. The dialogue, the situations, the tone, everything felt very juvenile.

I understand that the books are meant for a young adult audience, but you don’t have to sound like them to get them to like your books. It’s a very sad realization to me when books like “Twilight” are acceptable reads for anybody. It kind of lowers the bar, being a writer myself. Unpublished, yes, but if writing like Stephenie Meyer is going to get my things published, I’ll keep them to myself, thanks.

The Cullens are fascinating characters though. I look forward to “Midnight Sun” only because it’s from Edward’s point of view, though I am not keen on revisiting “Twilight” again in that sense. By that premise alone, I’m sure that book will be nothing more than fanservice. SMeyer needs to branch out a bit. Also, Jacob should get his own series or something. I think he really grew on me in “Eclipse.” I didn’t like him so much in “New Moon,” but I definitely grew to like him in “Eclipse.” He’s a misunderstood boy who deserves to be explored further.

Also, I’m thinking about upgrading my account at LibraryThing. You’re only allowed to catalogue 200 books. But if you upgrade to a one-time lifetime membership, you can catalogue as many as you’d like. Now that I’m investing in my book collection again, I think both a lifetime membership and a CueCat would make my life complete.

It’s the little things that make me happy.

My sister-in-law is due with the newest addition to our family (a girl they’re gonna name Michaela Gemini) in September. I wish I could go to her baby shower; it’s the first weekend of August. But I don’t think I could ask for vacation this short of notice. Plus I don’t think I have any money. I had to spend some of my savings to help my parents out. Mind you, it wasn’t a huge amount, and helping my parents out is the least I can do, but still. I want to use that money for my own plans, you know. *le sigh* I’m gonna save up and get some things on their registries, so I don’t look like a shitty ninang, rofl.

And hey, I finally found 43 things I want to accomplish in my life. Yay!

?: “Is it just me or does everybody in the world seem to be pregnant?“