Nothing but Song

Feeling :  hungry  Listening :  Muscle Museum - Myooz (rofl)  Reading :  Something Wicked This Way Comes - Ray Bradbury

I seem to write my most decent pieces of poetry when I’m in one of my moods. I’ve been meaning to post this for awhile but never got around to it. Too much American Princess drama.

Case in point:

Take my hand, let’s get wasted, chase the stars above
I want to drown in Heaven’s fire and rip out your love
If I could fuck your mind like you fucked mine
You’d be like the greatest soul I never knew
It could all go on like a bohemian rhapsody
but while I’m lying next to you, I will never be free.

Come up with a clever title and I will less than 3 you forever.

I’m still riding my post-Vegoose high. Having a weekend off like that was just what I needed to recharge my batteries. I dunno, I guess I need crazy weekends like these every once in a while. Not the short and sweet weekend camping trips. Those are no good.

But a weekend where we’re still in the city, when we don’t have to rush home from whatever we’re doing because I have to work that afternoon. A weekend of just doing tourist-y crap, like sightseeing, window shopping, taking pictures, and just being together.

At the heart of it all, even when I say I prefer being alone, I love my family. If my circumstances allowed it, I would be home with them when they’re home. Since I have weird hours every semester at school and work in between, I never see them on the weekends (which is usually their days off).

Don’t take your family for granted, that’s all I’m saying. If you don’t have the luxury of living at home like I do, pick up the phone. Call your mom and dad. Your brothers, your sisters. Don’t ever be so busy with your life to think that you don’t need them.

You need them a lot more than you might realise.

School was actually tolerable today, rofl. Maybe because I had some Earl Grey on the way in (tea always puts me in a good mood), plus I had a decent night’s sleep and did my homework, quadruple rofl.

I got called out for being “too quiet” by a girl in one of my lit classes today too. “I never know what you’re thinking!” she said.

I replied, “Murder. Homicide. Death. Atomic bombs,” whilst she giggled. I said it all sarcastic too, I hope she doesn’t think I’m plotting like, mass murders of complete strangers because I’m quiet!!

But her observation got me thinking. I’ve thought a lot about why I’m so quiet.

In my childhood, it was because my mom worked graveyard and slept during the day, and my dad hated if we made any noise that would wake her up. Also, he hated if we burst into song in the car or in the house. “Shut up! Be quiet! Your mom’s sleeping!” he’d say.

In his defense, he’s lightened up on being the disciplinarian since we’ve moved here. There are times when the girls don’t know when to shut up, and Dad has to get all grandpa on ‘em, but he’s relaxed some. I know where I stand with my dad now.

But still, being a young kid and being told to shut up for no other reason than your own dad wants complete silence really grates on you, and ages you immensely. I had to grow up quickly emotionally to cope.

I had to be the good kid, the one my parents could always depend on to be good, know what I mean? I never rebelled or been subversive, like some of my siblings have. I wasn’t born with that streak in me. I don’t know how to be anyone else. Can it be untaught? I dunno.

I don’t have a lot of things that I can keep to myself that no one can take away from me. They can take a lot from me, but I won’t let them have my silence.

And just because I’m quiet doesn’t make me a bitch. I’m actually a friendly, funny, caring person (if I do say so myself) once you get to know me. Ask anyone of my friends who had bad first impressions of me because I hardly spoke up.

I like to let people talk who like to talk. I mean, I rant about not owning my voice sometimes, sure. But the fact of the matter is, I’m okay with it. I don’t give a shit if you’re not. This is who I am. I’m not going to change for you in order to please somebody, and I don’t EVER want anyone I meet to feel they should change to make me happy.

I will love you, in addition to your imperfections. Just don’t break my heart. Once you and I are friends, you’ve got a friend for life. I will be there for you, no matter what.

Tomorrow is Halloween. Have fun. I’m dressing up in a Renaissance maiden costume that I’ve had for almost 2 years but never wore in favor of my Sydney Bristow red wig, black turtleneck and boots. It’s like, the easiest costume ever, and way fun to wear. Also, my “Dawn of the Dead” box set is staring at me on my desk as I type, rofl. I watch it every year. It’s my Halloween tradition. It’s the Romero version, the only one worth watching, if only for the subtext.

My friend T from Home Despot asked me to be her date to their annual Christmas party. She has to text me the deets tomorrow. It will be on a Sunday after the store closes, like it’s always been. Since I work midshifts on Sundays, I think I will be able to fly across town in enough time to go and spend some time with my family there.

?: “Favourite scary movie to watch every Halloween?“