Feeling :  lazylazy  Listening :  Latin Active - Lighter Shade of Brown  Reading :  Nothing

Gah, I think it’s that time of the month again. I’ve been really spacy lately. I feel really lazy and unmotivated to do anything though. Usually when it’s “that time,” I’m bouncing off the walls and have this unquenchable need to do things. Like my house and car really need to be vacuumed, but I just don’t wanna do it. Usually I’ll put my iPhone on and listen to music to keep my motivation going, but I really just don’t care. haha. I’m awful. :D

This could be my well-documented “home from a trip” blues though. Every time I come home from a trip, I always get emo because real life for me sucks that bad, haha.

I took the final for my History of Photography class the other night. Without the final exam, I would’ve ended up with a C-. But I aced the test, only missing 2 questions. I took it online and it got graded it immediately. I actually got enough points from it to jack me up to an A-. YES!! \m/ I thought I read it wrong at first. But I double-checked the grading scale in the syllabus and the amount of points I ended up with. I was right. I love being right.

I also decided against going back to school in the summer. Which is just as well, since there’s only one class that I want to take. My records are still on “financial hold” from lack of paying for spring, but I’ve planned it so that I can pay it off in installments over the summer. And then I will yell at the registrar’s office to unlock my account, haha.

There’s a petition going around school about a crap ton of stuff, like how we don’t have the classes we need, how some of us in the student body are jumping ship to UNLV and how we (the student body and the faculty) need to stop this from getting worse. I don’t want to go to UNLV. It’s closer to my house, yes, but I don’t want to pay their fees. I don’t have the cushion of financial aid or scholarships to help pay. My parents can barely help me out as it is. I’m pretty much winging it in the “paying for school each semester” department. I could very easily keep this sabbatical going, but why? I don’t have a particularly stable job to keep me out of school which is usually the reason why people who quit going to school. And truth be told, I miss going to school.

Blah. Same old problems cropping up. I just have to keep the faith, even as those around me lose theirs.

I’ve got so many plans this month. I was looking at my calendar on my phone because if it’s not there, I’ll forget it, haha. San Gennaro Feast, my cousin’s Special Olympics meet, and the Henderson ArtFest on Mother’s Day weekend, Prince Caspian on the 16th (YAY!!!), my sister’s graduation the day after, Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull the weekend after, Metro Station/Forever the Sickest Kids/The Cab at the end of the month on the “Long Hair, Don’t Care” tour. Whew. I’m kinda glad that I’ve got so many things to do. Keeps my mind off things.

The video for “That Green Gentlemen (Things Have Changed)” by Panic at the Disco premiered the other day. I like it. It’s cute and fits the song pretty well. With the video premiere, it got me thinking that I should prolly update the Panic Timeline, rofl. But like I said earlier, I just don’t have the motivation. I really should though. It looks so sad without updates.

What is it with me and listening to people? No, I take that back. They talk at me, and frankly, I don’t give a shit about their problems or anything like that. Being quiet =/= wanting to listen to other people’s shitty problems. I tune them out most of the time, smiling and pretending I care. That’s horrible to admit, isn’t it? I think is why I keep to myself a lot. People - in general - bore me. I mean, I try to make friends with people, but honestly, half the time, they’re not people I want to associate myself with. I can’t be the only person who feels this way. Maybe my standards are too high. I dunno. Something to ponder.

Half the things I laugh at aren’t really that funny, but I laugh because that’s the polite thing to do. At least I’ve noticed myself laughing at people’s jokes. But in my head, I’m thinking, “that’s not funny, why are you laughing?” My sense of humor is very strange, I suppose. “In my life, why do I smile at people who I’d much rather kick in the eye?” I seek out individual forms of pleasure: music being my drug of choice. Music you can listen to on your own. Music you can take into you and let it change you.

I told you I was feeling emo. Now I’m gonna write some extremely shitty poetry and cope, haha.

?: “Do people talk at you, or do you do the talking at people?”