Enough is not enough, but I keep saying that I’ll stop
Crimson Wave, Finances, University, Workplace Add comments
aggravated Listening : That\\\'s What Counts - We Are Scientists Reading : Hello Mallory!I was really happy this week.
Was being the operative verb.
My paycheck was a little fatter this pay period, because I got an extra day of work, and holiday pay on top of that, because of the Fourth of July. My bank’s pretty good about putting a little note on my account, letting me know when a deposit is on its way in and for how much and when it will be available. So when I saw it (and the amount), I was like, “yay!”
Well, when I went to check to see if the direct deposit had gone through this morning, I was missing a certain amount of money. I balanced my checkbook, just to make sure, and there was absolutely no other charges that could’ve caused that money to go missing. I’m not even sure if it is missing. Maybe there was a charge or a debit that I missed.
Slogging through work today was a real trial because that money was earmarked for something important. I was going to use it to pay off my debt to NSC so I could register for classes since I’m on financial hold.
I called my bank’s automated line, and none of the transactions that have cleared explain the missing money either. The automated line pretty much told me what I already knew. So I’m gonna wait until the end of the business day today and check it again online. ETA, Friday night: They took out 2 car payments. That’s where my money went. Why would they do that? Why? Why? WHY??!?!?!!? And why did this have to happen on a Friday when banks are not open on the weekends?? This isn’t fair. It really isn’t!! ANGER. FRUSTRATION. WOE.
ETA, Saturday morning: I slept off my anger, and had some crazy violent dreams in the process. My next car payment isn’t due until September and that changes things significantly.
School starts at the end of August. I have one more year left of school. I am so READY to be done. I have no other money saved up to make this debt go away.
As such, I walked into work in a bad mood. I kind of avoided everybody. But tonight, when we were dropping off our bank drawers, one of my co-workers let slip that he liked me, even if other people didn’t.
I was crushed, to say the least.
I don’t cause trouble at work. None. I don’t gossip. I do as I’m told. I keep my nose clean, my head down, and I mind my own business. But I’m also notoriously quiet. Nobody likes quiet people, apparently. I’m not sure why. Other quiet people have their reasons for being quiet. I’m quiet because that’s how I was raised. Plus I also don’t like to talk, because I stutter. I’m not very good at expressing myself unless I’m at a computer, unfortunately.
It’s hard for me to trust people. I have been burned in the past. People I would have trusted with my life and the ones I trusted with my secrets would go around and talk shit about me behind my back. And no matter how much older I get, this doesn’t change in the people I meet. This includes people I’m related to.
So instead of letting myself get hurt, I just keep quiet and drown out the white noise with music, usually piped in by my iPhone.
Music is the only thing in the world that will put up with my bullshit. No matter how many times I play a song, the melody is always the same. No matter what mood I’m in, it’s always there to let me know that everything will be alright. No matter where I am in my life, I can listen to a song from ten years ago and be automatically transported back to when I first heard it. What else in the world can do that for you?
I know I shouldn’t, but I take it personally when people talk about me. It’s like, “what did I ever do to you?”
?: “What do you honestly think of quiet people?”
Oh honey! *Hugs* I’m quiet as well, its just how we were raised, so don’t sweat it. I’ve made a huge effort to be more sociable even though inside I’m this terrified 10 year old!
I really hate speaking to people I don’t know over the phone, it leaves me tounge tied but I have to do it as part of my job. I don’t express myself properly sometimes because I’m in limbo between two languages and its hard to express myself in both of them.
But you sweetie, are strong and as they say this too shall pass.
I’ve tried to be sociable too, but this working environment is tough. Half the things I deal with aren’t in my department and I feel like a fool sending them away with an answer they don’t wanna hear. I like where I’m at though. In this economy, I don’t wanna change. So I’m not gonna leave. Besides, it’s prolly all in my head. I’m respectful of my co-workers, so really, I need to remind myself that if they have an issue with my being quiet, it’s their own problem. I just need to keep the faith.
A lot of people tell me I can be very quiet. But I don’t like having the spotlight on me, but for some reason it attracts people. Maybe mystery is sexy to some people.
Banks are stupid.
I met my mom’s co-workers once and they said I was quiet like her. So I think get it from my mom. It doesn’t help that I walk like I’ve got a purpose (which I do), and keep my head up whilst I’m listening to music. The thing is, I don’t like walking slow if I can help it. Yeah, I’m trying to remain positive and not take it personal. My being quiet is always an issue with people. I dunno why. Banks are so freaking stupid!! But I called the bank and the automated lady voice said that my next car payment’s not due until September. Which changes things significantly. I’m just glad I had enough money to cover the 2 payments. Because then I would get a letter in the mail saying that I didn’t send them money at all. :/
its okay, they’re probably just scared. It’s the quiet people that you have to watch out for. Remember the pancake syrup? yeah……you’ll get your vengeance someday.
I miss that table. I wish we could’ve stolen it. That would’ve been a nice thing to stash away for memories, rofl.
I have my own horror stories about banks. I’m sorry to hear about your money troubles, but I am glad that you slept it out somewhat. Usually violent dreams after something dire like that is just a way of acting out. In a way it’s good that it didn’t actuate into real life.
Regarding quiet people.. hm.. I don’t mind quiet people. I have a tendency to think that they’re keen observers, even though I’m sure that’s a case to case basis. I can understand the frustration behind being quiet and getting a bad rap for it just because you prefer not be so loud. It must be annoying.
But I also admit that I am one of those people who tend to be annoyed by them at times.. but it’s only for ONE instance: when I ask them something and they do not answer. Or they do not answer me directly and instead relay their answer to someone else even though I am capable of hearing and understanding said answer. That’s when I get the notion that they’re arrogant or feel they are too good for me. I have grown up believing that when one is asked something, to answer and to do otherwise is impolite. I’m generally extroverted, but there are times when I do clam up in social situations. But when I am asked something, I make sure that I directly answer because it’s exactly the treatment I would like if the roles were reversed.
I hate going to bed angry or frustrated, because my dreams end up being really crazy in response. But it’s not like I have a healthy outlet to channel the anger other than to keep it inside my head. I don’t like being the center of attention. I hate people watching me. It’s just in my nature, I guess. I would never knowingly ignore someone who asked me a question. If I do, it’s because a) I have my earbuds in, and b) I didn’t know they were talking to me in the first place. I prefer to be prompted beforehand, such as “Excuse me” or saying my name or even “hey” before asking a question. It helps me to mentally prepare a question. It’s not a conscious thing I do, but I’ve noticed I prefer it that way.
Well that sucks they took out so much from your account. I’d be pissed off too. But on the bright side, you won’t have to worry about your car payment until September.
Now, for quiet people. I would be considered as one I guess. I’m definitely more introverted than extroverted, but it was never always that way. It’s just that lately I can’t really divulge about myself as freely as I should be able to.
I still want to go out and have fun, but the friends I have aren’t into my kind of fun so I end up doing things alone. I’m trying to gradually get out of that though because I’m not getting any younger and I know I’m missing out on life by not enjoying it to the fullest and meeting more people.
I don’t mind quiet people, but I can also see why the other side would find it irritating. When I see much quieter people than me, it makes me not want to talk to them. It’s intimidating in a way because it makes them seem standoffish and snobby, which is probably the complete opposite of who they truly are. I think people have thought this of me I’m sure, which sucks because I do want to meet new people. But that can’t happen for the most part because I don’t even seem approachable to some people.
I don’t know how your co-workers are, if they’re gossipers by nature. Maybe if they knew you though they wouldn’t feel compelled to talk about you behind your back.
I’m SOO glad I don’t have to worry about August’s car payment.
I’ve never been able to divulge myself easily, not since high school. I’m afraid of making an ass of myself, of people knowing my business and spreading it around, and if there’s one thing I hate (out and out hate), it’s drama. My friends and me work different schedules at our respective workplaces, so getting together to do anything is a big to-do. That’s why I usually end up hanging with my family, because I know their schedules are pretty easy to work around. As I get older, I find myself distancing myself more. I’m not sure why. I just like being by myself. I don’t like being beholden to anybody. I don’t think they’re gossipers either. Although I did have a run-in with one of them today. He thought my earbuds were in (they usually are, I hate the white noise of the hotel) and he goes really loudly, “your shoes are untied!” They weren’t, and I knew he was teasing, but it didn’t quite come off right, and I wasn’t quite sure how to respond. So I kinda brushed it off and whatever. But I think I might look for another job, something more my style, I guess.