Feeling :  hopefulhopeful  Listening :  Arctic Monkeys: Fluorescent Adolescent  Reading :  Something new, dunno yet

Ack, drama drama drama.

I’m still just a tiny bit unsettled from everything from the past week, but I’ve been making my peace with it slowly. Still have financial drama on the back burner, not mine this time, but it directly affects me.

Someday I know things will be good for me, or - in the very least - manageable. It’s the struggle that wears me down. It’s this uphill battle that I’m constantly fighting within and around and out of myself. I dunno if that makes sense. Lethargy takes over sometimes, or apathy, and the battle keeps raging on. I really dislike people who don’t have an ounce of drama in their lives. Things come easy to them. They know exactly what they’re doing with their lives, and it’s just easy.

I know that as a Catholic, I’m supposed to trust that everything that has happened and will happen in my life is just a part of His plan for me. I’m still waiting for that bolt of lightning to hit me though. The one that will light a fire for a passion that will sustain me for as long as possible. I would really like to know what I am meant to do with this life.

As such, when I get antsy from drama, I tend to want to buy things to distract myself. Sometimes I buy things for me, sometimes I buy things for other people. I guess it’s a bit weird to be admitting this. Not so much to you, but to me. As I’ve always said, writing is therapy for me. So when I go back and read entries even a day or two later, I go, “Did I really write that? Wow.”

I haven’t had a retail therapy session in awhile though. I’ve been shopping to survive, not surviving to shop lately. I deserve to splurge, even if I complain about how poor I am. Whatever I do, it’s because I can. People are so quick to judge other people, but it’s like, “why make my business your business? Move along now, please, nothing to see here.”

I bought something for my new niece the other day. I can’t say what (since they might read this), but I hope it arrives in time for my sister-in-law’s baby shower. I also bought a cloisonne money clip on eBay. I also got the Indiana Jones series on DVD. They’re on sale for $10 apiece at Target until Saturday. Then at Wal-Mart, I snagged “A Knights’ Tale,” “Dracula” (with Gary Oldman and Winona Ryder), and “Fools Rush In” for $5 apiece a couple of weeks ago.

I’m going to go to the library tomorrow alone. My youngest niece is in trouble for getting bad grades again. She knows that our weekly trips to the library is a privilege, not a right.

Growing up, getting good grades and helping out Mom and Dad were our responsibilities. If we didn’t bring home good grades, we didn’t get treats, such as a new toy, or things like that. Mine was a camera. I’ve been interested in photography ever since I was young. So you know what I did? I worked my ass off to keep my grades up, and what do you know? For Christmas, I got a camera!

So we’ve passed that ethic on to my nieces as well. All I want for my girls is to get good grades. If you don’t get good grades, you don’t get a treat. Period.

I told her that I was taking all of her books back to the library, whether she was finished with them or not. I’m very upset with her in that sense. I sometimes wonder how hard she really tries in school, because her grades don’t reflect her supposed “effort” at all.

*le sigh* I hate being mean though. But I hope this teaches her to work harder.

?: “What did you get for good grades growing up?”