Feeling :  hungry  Listening :  Just a Gigolo - Thelonious Monk Quartet  Reading :  Stuff for school

It has been awhile since I’ve been here.

I was contemplating giving up blogging (that lasted for a whole day, haha), as I am now officially paranoid about it. I was telling Janet that HR managers have ways to circumvent the privacy locks on your social networking profiles. So I disabled my Facebook since I hardly ever use it. I also deleted the blogs on MySpace that I had because they mentioned names not just initials like I usually do here. I’m sure HR managers could find this blog if they looked hard enough, but since I only use my nickname and not my last name, I doubt they’ll find anything.

Anyways, I was kinda spacing out at work today and found myself wondering why. I just sort of stare out at space in front of me and shut my brain off. I’m not particularly thinking about things; I’m seriously just staring. But that staring off into space look looks like I’m thinking, because my co-workers and guests will say, “I didn’t want to bother you, it looked like you were thinking hard.”

As connected as I am (via my websites, social networks, iPhone, etc.), I have a great need to simply unfurl and close myself off from everything and everybody permanently. The best place to do it is in a comfortable and familiar environment. Which is prolly why I do it in class and work so often. When I’m at home, at least I have things to do and things to distract myself with.

Have you ever felt that? The need to turn your brain off? I’m not talking about the temporary disconnect; I’m talking about a long-term, run away, Peter from Office Space, do nothing sort of feeling.

Ideally, this disconnect would occur on a beach somewhere. The air thick with salt and stinky seaweed. Birds trilling. Your ass making a nice groove in the sand because you haven’t moved in hours. Not like some romantic postcard beach, but my favourite beach near Pigeon Point where if you tried to go swimming, you’d get pneumonia ’cause the water’s so cold. I felt at peace there. I’ve never felt as peaceful as I did there.

Man, that would be the life.

The other night, my co-worker saw one of our former co-workers, C. OMG. I had the biggest crush on him. A skinny, hippie white boy from Chi-town. He was tall and had beautiful eyes, which outweighs the fact that he’s a former hippie. Hippie as in counterculture sixties flower child. Self-professed too. He geeked out that he bought ties with Jerry Garcia designs on them at Burlington Coat Factory once. *snerk* But I never acted like I liked him, because 1) I answered to him, 2) I didn’t want to mess up the office dynamic, and 3) my radar didn’t go off that he liked me too. Then he got fired. I never got his number. But as my co-worker and me walked by, we waved at each other. He grew a beard! That was shocking. But my little butterflies came back, which tells me something.

I’ll put him in one of my stories someday. Immortalize that lovely feeling of having a crush.

?: “Where is your mind?“

Feeling :  indescribable  Listening :  I Want You - Savage Garden  Reading :  Stardust - Neil Gaiman

OMG! I got my hair cut the other day, and I think I look like Gwen from Torchwood, rofl. It’s all layered and fringe-y. I <3 it.

I decided to get rid of two projects already: Cotton Club Topsites and the 21st Century Social Forums. The script for the topsites list was too insecure for my liking. I have a hard enough time trying to get conversations going on the forums I personally frequent. How the heck am I gonna get other people to talk? haha.

Now I’m gonna focus my energy on Discotheque (which I revamped to use WordPress), That’s My Song!, and Three. Plus I updated Three with a whole new batch of songs. I’m gonna change the layout too. It’s a bit boring, ahahaha.

Humaira pointed me in the direction of iGoogle. I guess I had done it previously, but my default home page has always been the boring Firefox one. iGoogle is way cooler.

Because of my job, I am up by 8am on the weekdays without fail. I cannot sleep in for anything now, yuk. I’m sure I’ve complained about that in the past, but alas, I am a complainer.

I decided to turn on the TV to help wake me up this morning, and I tuned in to “The Legend of Billie Jean.” For some reason, my brain must’ve been on “film student” mode when I woke up this morning, because I was analyzing the film from a film student’s perspective.

There’s the innocent outlaw Western subgenre (doesn’t hurt that the movie takes place in Texas), a feminist perspective that’s pretty easy to catch if you watch it from the beginning to the end, the classist perspective, the obligatory romance, the strong family bond perspective, the manipulation of media (newspapers, TV, radio) on both sides, the sexist villain, a religious aspect in the way she cut her hair (which I completely approve of ’cause I was confirmed under St. Joan), etc.

I wish I had stuck with my “American West Through Film” class this semester. I would’ve found a way to discuss the film in depth for that class. Oh well. You live and you learn. I just found out through the wiki that it’s a retelling of another story and Pat Benatar hates the movie. Hmm. Interesting.

Speaking of work, I have a semi-permanent schedule, with split days off and certain days when I have to call in. Yuk. I can’t really complain, because I am extra board and the newest employee. Our manager was laid off (corporate did some hardcore downsizing) and one other employee quit. So a couple of other people are picking up the slack. We have to make do with the staff that we had, since we’re not gonna be hiring. I got in here in just the nick of time.

We got the obligatory positive reinforcement lecture since the hammer fell, but it’s all talk to me. I know what I’m supposed to do. You tell me where I need to be, I’ll show up when I’m scheduled, I’ll do my job, and you pay me. That’s how it works. I won’t involve myself further than that. Because when you do, it gets messy. I’ve been in enough corporate peon jobs to know how that feels and I don’t want that for this new position. I want to keep it as distant as possible.

I can’t register for fall classes because my “records are on financial hold.” *le sigh* I’m glad I am getting paid well, otherwise I would be shit outta luck. Hopefully I can knock out most of my spring fees in the next couple of paychecks. Plus I’ve still got my stimulus check to look forward to! I love money, haha. Please God, don’t take this job from me. *prays*

Anyways, I guess life is pretty OK. My sister is planning on a trip to Oregon for us in June, as well as Warped tour in Salt Lake City! I’m gonna burn through my week’s vacation for both trips, but I deserve it dammit.

Sassy and I won’t be able to see Panic on HCT this summer though. We had tickets to their show here in Vegas (Sassy’s friend bought them for us). But her mom made other plans without checking with us, and so she won’t be able to go. And I refuse to go without her. It just wouldn’t be right. Panic was our first concert together, and if she can’t see them, I won’t either. Plus I’ve got Richard Cheese with Corinne to look forward to in August and hopefully a day trip or two back to Cali soon.

I’m just gonna enjoy this summer. Catch up on my reading, keep up on my bills, my sites, my friends, go swimming, enjoy my last few months as a 24 year old, get a tan, lose those last 5 pounds.

Hopefully God won’t send anything bad my way. *crosses fingers* I deserve just a few months of pleasure. Just a few. He can throw me for loops in the fall, after I’ve got everything out of my system this summer!

?: “Any big or exciting plans for the summer?”

Feeling :  thoughtful  Listening :  Kiss You Off - Scissor Sisters  Reading :  Rosie Little\\\'s Cautionary Tales for Young Girls

I made a moodset for myMooMus, featuring Siobhan Donaghy. It’s now in play here at Nothing but Song. I may release it for use on LJ (since it’s suitable for use on LJ), but some of the pics need to be fixed up. I just wanted to start using them, LOL.

The other day at work - I work in an independent bookstore on the Las Vegas Strip, for those of you just joining our program, already in progress - and we had just received this book: “Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six-Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure” from the editors of Smith Magazine. Basically, the premise of the book is if you could write a memoir in six words, what would yours be?

They were taking submissions from every writer: professional, nonprofessional, famous, and the not-so-famous. As I was reading it, I was laughing about how truly easy it was to sum your life up in six words. Some were extremely simple, some were heart-breaking, some were thought-provoking. I don’t have the book in front of me, but I pulled these from the Amazon summary of it.

“Nobody cared, then they did. Why?” - Chuck Klosterman
“We still don’t hear a single.” - Adam Schlesinger
“I was a Michael Jackson impersonator.” - Keith Knight
“Cursed with cancer. Blessed by friends.” - Hannah Davies
“I still make coffee for two.” - Zak Nelson
“Most successful accomplishments based on spite.” - Scott Birch
“No wife. No kids. No problems.” - Rip Riley
“Mushrooms. Clowns. Wands. Five. Wig. Thatched.” - Amy Sedaris

I kind of saw the whole thing as a huge writing prompt. I love working in a bookstore. You can just pluck a book off the shelf and read to your heart’s content. Plus I’ve added so many books to my wishlist that I’ve seen in our store and wanted a copy for myself. I just bought a massive bookshelf to accommodate my renewed love of reading. I will miss it when I leave next week.

Oh, I didn’t tell you? I got the call this morning that I go through processing for my new job on Monday. That was the date I gave him but I was almost sure they were going to tell me that they had changed their minds. But I was really proactive about this job. I really wanted it, so I fought for it. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that fighting for what you want is a bad thing, not even that little voice in your head that tells you otherwise.

Anyways, here are some I came up with, before I chose the one that I think fits me pretty well. It’s the subject line, obviously.

• Damn, you look good, I’m drunk.
• Big mess on our hands tonight.
• Got soul, but not a soldier.
• Doctor Who fangirl demands Romana’s return.
• Sheltered schoolgirl searching for her Walden.

The first two are from songs by Cobra Starship and the Academy Is… What can I say? They’re pretty good. And if you don’t know what song the third one comes from, you’ve been living under a rock! haha.

?: “If you could write a memoir in six words, what would yours be?”